One of Laura’s classes on the weekend really got me thinking.
I have always struggled personally with the idea of having sex with submissives. It seemed to be giving up some of my power – that simply by having physical sex either oral or being penetrated made me less of a Domme. That I was giving up control by receiving pleasure.
And it’s always been a quandary for me.
In the class Laura spent some time talking about the Femme Dommes that worked for Kink.com, and how the ratings really bottomed out if any scenes showed them having sex with the submissive.
She was sitting with them in The Armory, discussing the issue, and then in a style that only she can have, proceeded to passionately rant about their absolute right to have sex as Dommes – as and when they see fit.
Doms are at liberty, and actually expected, to demonstrate their control and dominance using sex. But when a Femme Domme does the same, that’s seen as weak.
Apparently she got a massive round of applause from those ladies. They are some of the most stunning Femme Dommes in the video business, and yet viewers judged them really harshly for wanting to be laid on film.
But something she said really stuck with me, and has caused me to rethink.
Her way of saying it was this: Have you earnt the right to f@#k me?
Many submissives work hard to please. Some work very very hard. And having sex with them, male or female, can be a massive reward.
And if I shift my head to them having earnt it, that it was me directing the traffic, my demands and desires that were being fulfilled, then it wasn’t about giving control over to them at all
Instead, it’s an extension of my dominance and control, even when in the heat of lust.
More than a few people in the crowd were surprised to hear me talk about it openly (if not with some hesitation). And as a group, including Laura, we talked through it. It has definitely given me food for thought. And I believe it will fundamentally change the way I play.
And that was in a “beginner” class. Good help me with the rest of the more advanced topics. There is a lot for me to learn and even more to think about.
She has an uncanny knack of being able to steer through the scene bullshit and give you a way of seeing the world that is both sexy and empowering. That course really spoke to me: Don't let someone else's definition of who you should be deny your exploration and all the fun that goes with it.
Scary as it might be to challenge the way I think, I am looking forward to the different workshops coming up. Definitely view changing.